Cousin Mary

https://www.thenewportbuzz.com/obituary-mary-fyffe-stevens-1938-2025/53590

Also ordered this for Lisa today

a 2x3 acrylic photo box of these photos:

Myrtle Beach SC either 83 or 84?

Love this from Jenny! 4/12/25

She texted me this link to this image:

and wrote this:

Louisa,

This Sabra Field print of the lake made me think of you.

Jenny

I JUST LOVE THAT!!

Ordered for Lisa xox

Narcissists

This is good:

Narcissists have basically three groups of people in their circle.

1. The victim(s): This is a very small group and is the person who is closest in relationship or proximity to the Narcissist. It is most likely a spouse or family member. This is the person or group of people who see under the Narcissist's mask. They are on the receiving end of abuse due to seeing the true character and self of the Narcissist. This group is subjected to verbal abuse, psychological abuse, contempt, and hatred, especially when things are not going well in the Narcissist's life. The Narcissist will project his/her negative traits onto the victim(s). The victims are expendable and subject to discard at whim.
2. The ones they deem worthy of admiring them: This group is the people the Narcissist considers to be below him/her in status. These are the people the Narcissist associates with out of pity or because they provide the Narcissist with positive or negative supply in the form of admiration (positive) or drama (negative). The Narcissist receives supply from this group by constantly pointing out to himself and others that he is "so much better than those losers." The Narcissist has deemed these people worthy of admiring him and his obvious higher status in life. The Narcissist does not choose the people in this group to be his/her friends, they just had the unfortunate luck of finding the narcissist in their life such as coworkers, neighbors, classmates at school, etc. The Narcissist remains friends with this group for entertainment purposes only. He/She may socialize with this group when he is lacking other sources of supply or out of boredom, but he seldom forms meaningful, lasting friendship bonds with anyone in this group. He/she often uses people in this group too for favors, jobs, places to live, etc. It is not uncommon for the narcissists to speak badly about these people behind their backs, especially to other people in the group. The people in this group are expendable also and subject to discard should they ever challenge the Narcissist or say something to others against the Narcissist.
3. The ones they are trying to impress: This is the most important group to the Narcissist. This group of people is usually more successful than the Narcissist, therefore the Narcissist desires to be them. By infiltrating their circle and ingratiating himself/herself into the group, the Narcissist elevates his status vicariously through his/her association with these individuals. These are also the people who have never and WILL NEVER see beneath the mask if the Narcissist has anything to do with it. They think he is a great guy/gal and they see him/her as the life of the party and always a good friend, always ready to lend a helping hand or an encouraging word to their friends. These people are being played the most, however. Their role, unbeknownst to them is to provide the Narcissist with reinforcement of his/her cognitive dissonance/fantasy life simply by believing and not questioning the things the Narcissist tells them. These people feed the false self of the Narcissist simply because they don't know better. They are being fooled by a chameleon who will morph himself/herself into anything he/she needs to in order to fit in with this group of people. He will change his religion, his taste of music, his interest in food, etc. just to be a continual part of the group at whatever cost. The Narcissist goes to great lengths to shield these people from anyone in his/her past who knows the true self and truth of the ugly abuser.
   
   from here.

Vermont Seasons

Spot on.

Toast to Issy 3/27/25

My dear Issy, 

You are the best thing that ever happened to Jack! Seriously! I adore you, and honestly, I only want to hang out with him when you're around. You bring out the best in him, and your energy, joy, and zest for life make you the ultimate pea in my party pod. I feel so incredibly lucky to have you joining our family. 

So let's raise a glass to love, laughter, and the amazing journey ahead—cheers to you!

Sent these to Emily today

You made my day 2/2

I got these in the mail today:

So my turn to email Imo:

Dear Imo,

 

I can't not believe how incredibly thoughtful you are. WOW! You totally made my day today and I needed it on this grey day here in Vermont. I just spent 4 nights with my Dad, my brother, his girlfriend, my niece, my three children and their significant others and my John in Utah skiing. We had the most wonderful time – so special to see my Dad still ripping it down the slopes at 82. How lucky are my children that they have these memories with him. Truly amazing. BUT – for me to come home to an empty house late last night after all that time with my family – the house feels so lonely and empty and made my heart physically ache for them all. I MISS them all so much already! So your roses were such a beautiful and welcome surprise – you have no idea how much they brightened my day, my mood and my heart.

 

THANK YOU SO MUCH!! From the bottom of my heart.

Xoxo

and she wrote me back:

It warms my heart to know that I put a smile on your face on that grey day in Vermont 🙂.

I'm so glad you had so much fun skiing in Utah.  That was like a small family reunion of sorts!  Too bad you all can't do that once a month.  That would be a hoot!  I'll bet your Dad would get a kick out of that!  At the very least, it would be something to look forward to.  They say that human beings are generally happier when they have something to look forward to.   I've been telling everyone who would listen about your 82-year-old Dad on the ski slopes, and every last one of them smiles.  They are just as delighted and in awe of him as I am.  That is so special!

Anywho, I'm glad I could brighten your day with the flowers🙂 and you are so very welcome.  

Xoxo

You made my day 1/2

I organized for a fleece to be embroidered and sent to Imo. This is the email that she sent me when she got it:

LOUISA, YOU MADE MY DAY!!!

 

I just received the package you sent.  What a nice surprise!  I'd forgotten all about it and when I saw your name on it, it still hadn't occurred to me.  I was like "What in the world is she sending me?  Maybe it's something she wants me to give to Matt."  But as soon as I opened it, I knew it was mine all mine and I screamed I was so happy! 😊  Thank you so much!!  I needed that!  No need to apologize for it being late because it worked out great and made my day!  I sincerely hope that one day our paths do cross so I can give you a BIG hug!  😊

So I emailed her back:

Dear Imo!!!

 

OMG I am so happy that you got it and yes – I'm so sorry it took so long. It was a 3-step process (order, get it embroidered and mail it) and life has been so busy as of late. Lol - too much work!!

 

Getting your email absolutely MADE MY DAY! Thank you so much! Xo

 

One of these days I'll make it back to MN so we can meet in person. I'd love that! On Thursday I'm heading out to Utah to ski for 3 days with my 82-year-old Dad and I can't wait! He's amazing – still skiing making it look so easy. Four of his grandchildren will also be there. How lucky are they that they get to ski with their grandfather. They treasure this time with him every year.

 

XOX

and she wrote me back:

You are preaching to choir when you talk about work being busy.  Don't get me started...

Anywho, I'm glad I could make your day because you sure made mine.

OMG Girlfriend!  Your Dad is amazing!!!  And yes, his grandchildren are so lucky to get to ski with him.  That's absolutely adorable!  Be sure to take pics.  Those are the moments you will want to treasure forever!  Safe travels.

Have fun 🙂

XOX

ordered today for delivery 3/18

52 in 2010

I made this list in December of 2009. Where do I come up with these ideas?

Thursday, December 31, 2009

52 in 2010 - Final List

1. Accupuncture
2. Acts of Random Kindness
3. actually use my fine china
4. Bike 50 miles
5. bike to go shopping
6. Buy a star
7. Cook a lobster dinner
8. create a new way to make money on my site
9. Create a piece of artwork
10. De-clutter 12 corners
11. do 100 situps everyday
12. Do something spontaneous
13. Fast 3 days
14. Fill a time capsule
15. Get rid of 52 bags of clutter
16. go 5 days without my cell phone
17. go camping 
18. go on glider ride over vermont
19. Go to a new country
20. Go to a new state
21. Go to Niagra Falls
22. Hot air balloon ride
23. Jazz class
24. keep a blog of 52 in 2010
25. Knit a scarf
26. Learn letterpress
27. lose 12 pounds
28. Make a baguette
29. Make a souffle 
30. Make a vegetable garden
31. make a website from scratch
32. Make french onion soup
33. Moonlight snowshoe
34. Start a '52 in 2011' Fund to fund next year's 52
35. Prepare a 7 course meal for friends
36. Put all my photos away
37. Read a John Updike book
38. Read a PG Wodehouse book
39. Read Sense and Sensibility
40. Rediscover art of letterwriting
41. Run 10 miles
42. See all the movies nominated for best movie oscar 
43. send a birthday card ON TIME to all family members
44. Send a message in a bottle
45. Snowboard
46. Spin class
47. submit photo to National Geographic Photo Contest
48. Take kids to Saratoga Race Track
49. Telemark
50. volunteer somewhere/something new
51. Wild Card 
52. write some memoirs for my children

From March 8th, 2005 Zermatt

ordered for Anna :-)

Cousin Luisa

Obituary here

Today

Wrote this to SW today:

This is hard. In fact, it's just awful news. But I want to clarify, this isn't all on you. We made this investment as a team, based on everything we knew at the time, and we weren't the only ones who believed in it. We did our due diligence, and so did others. Sometimes things just don't go the way we hope, no matter how well we prepare. Have you ever seen the movie Run, Lola, Run? Chance & unpredictability can lead to totally different outcomes and all actions are interconnected showing a shared responsibility when things don't work out.
 
This is tough news, but you don't have to carry it alone. We're in this together, and we'll figure out the next steps as a team (including the rest of the IC). And of course, we can use this as time of learning to adapt and reassess while continuing to move forward. We can do this!
 
Appreciate you, always.
 

David Honig on Trump

This was shared on Facebook by someone in 2018:

The best, most cogent and elegantly simple explanation into the inexplicably destructive negotiating processes of the president,by Prof. David Honig of Indiana University.

Everybody I know should read this accurate and enlightening piece...

"I'm going to get a little wonky and write about Donald Trump and negotiations. For those who don't know, I'm an adjunct professor at Indiana University - Robert H. McKinney School of Law and I teach negotiations. Okay, here goes.

Trump, as most of us know, is the credited author of "The Art of the Deal," a book that was actually ghost written by a man named Tony Schwartz, who was given access to Trump and wrote based upon his observations. If you've read The Art of the Deal, or if you've followed Trump lately, you'll know, even if you didn't know the label, that he sees all dealmaking as what we call "distributive bargaining."

Distributive bargaining always has a winner and a loser. It happens when there is a fixed quantity of something and two sides are fighting over how it gets distributed. Think of it as a pie and you're fighting over who gets how many pieces. In Trump's world, the bargaining was for a building, or for construction work, or subcontractors. He perceives a successful bargain as one in which there is a winner and a loser, so if he pays less than the seller wants, he wins. The more he saves the more he wins.

The other type of bargaining is called integrative bargaining. In integrative bargaining the two sides don't have a complete conflict of interest, and it is possible to reach mutually beneficial agreements. Think of it, not a single pie to be divided by two hungry people, but as a baker and a caterer negotiating over how many pies will be baked at what prices, and the nature of their ongoing relationship after this one gig is over.

The problem with Trump is that he sees only distributive bargaining in an international world that requires integrative bargaining. He can raise tariffs, but so can other countries. He can't demand they not respond. There is no defined end to the negotiation and there is no simple winner and loser. There are always more pies to be baked. Further, negotiations aren't binary. China's choices aren't (a) buy soybeans from US farmers, or (b) don't buy soybeans. They can also (c) buy soybeans from Russia, or Argentina, or Brazil, or Canada, etc. That completely strips the distributive bargainer of his power to win or lose, to control the negotiation.

One of the risks of distributive bargaining is bad will. In a one-time distributive bargain, e.g. negotiating with the cabinet maker in your casino about whether you're going to pay his whole bill or demand a discount, you don't have to worry about your ongoing credibility or the next deal. If you do that to the cabinet maker, you can bet he won't agree to do the cabinets in your next casino, and you're going to have to find another cabinet maker.

There isn't another Canada.

So when you approach international negotiation, in a world as complex as ours, with integrated economies and multiple buyers and sellers, you simply must approach them through integrative bargaining. If you attempt distributive bargaining, success is impossible. And we see that already.

Trump has raised tariffs on China. China responded, in addition to raising tariffs on US goods, by dropping all its soybean orders from the US and buying them from Russia. The effect is not only to cause tremendous harm to US farmers, but also to increase Russian revenue, making Russia less susceptible to sanctions and boycotts, increasing its economic and political power in the world, and reducing ours. Trump saw steel and aluminum and thought it would be an easy win, BECAUSE HE SAW ONLY STEEL AND ALUMINUM - HE SEES EVERY NEGOTIATION AS DISTRIBUTIVE. China saw it as integrative, and integrated Russia and its soybean purchase orders into a far more complex negotiation ecosystem.

Trump has the same weakness politically. For every winner there must be a loser. And that's just not how politics works, not over the long run.

For people who study negotiations, this is incredibly basic stuff, negotiations 101, definitions you learn before you even start talking about styles and tactics. And here's another huge problem for us.

Trump is utterly convinced that his experience in a closely held real estate company has prepared him to run a nation, and therefore he rejects the advice of people who spent entire careers studying the nuances of international negotiations and diplomacy. But the leaders on the other side of the table have not eschewed expertise, they have embraced it. And that means they look at Trump and, given his very limited tool chest and his blindly distributive understanding of negotiation, they know exactly what he is going to do and exactly how to respond to it.

From a professional negotiation point of view, Trump isn't even bringing checkers to a chess match. He's bringing a quarter that he insists of flipping for heads or tails, while everybody else is studying the chess board to decide whether its better to open with Najdorf or Grünfeld."

— David Honig

With this photo

On smiling..

I had a wonderful interaction with Imo and it reminded me of these stories:

Dear Imo,

 

Just following up on our convo below and you writing that you go around putting smiles on people's faces. I love that and can totally identify. I lived in Zurich for many years (1990-2002) and as much as I love the Swiss and how efficient the country is – they can be pretty grumpy people. At one point, I was on a running thing and ran the same route every day at the same time so I'd pass some of the same people every day. I used to pass this elderly woman who at the same point and I'd always say hi to her (well, "Greuzi", which is what they say in Swiss German). And she wouldn't reply, acknowledge, or even LOOK at me. So, I decided that my goal was going to get her to not only say hi back to me but to make her smile. So day after day I said hello and then flashed her a big smile…..it took about a week but she finally said hi back to me – BUT she still wasn't looking at me. Well, I'm sure you know where this story is going – but after several weeks – I had her. I made her smile every morning and I could tell that I altered her frame of mind when she went on her walks. She even would say hi to me first and smile every time. Made me SOO happy!

 

Oh this is reminding me of another similar story. I was at the grocery store with my three young children, also in Switzerland and there was an elderly man in front of us in line. He turned to me and said Hello in English – he could hear me speaking English with my children. So, I smiled and started a conversation with him – asked him how he learned English etc etc – just small talk. We both finished up and had our bags packed and he looked at me and said he had been shopping in this store for decades and I was the first person to ever talk to him!!! Isn't that CRAZY???

 

And now I live in Vermont and hike a mini mountain every morning before work. It's called Mt Philo – and randomly I also met my boyfriend John there (had a horrible divorce from my wasband who I was married to for 27 years). It's a magical place with an amazing view. So every morning when John and I hike up – we say good morning to everyone that we pass – something I've been doing all these years. And you can't believe how many people don't reply or even look at us. We continue to say hi every morning and slowly, we crack them and they reply. Just this morning, one of the grumpier women who we have been saying good morning to for at least 2 years – said good morning to US first before we had a chance to say good morning to her. We were soooo happy! Our perseverance paid off and she was happy and smiling.

 

Thank you for sharing your thoughts on smiling…it brought back these wonderful memories for me.

 

Happy Sunday and happy week!

 

p.s. my lunch was so good and that brioche was amazing.

 

p.s. here is the view from Mt Philo yesterday morning: