My Summer

...at the end of July - it's all a bit blurry now - Mark found out that he had a tumor in his femoral neck (which is the top of the femur - the part that starts to curve and bend and then lands in your hip socket). Long story short - he ended up in Boston at Brigham and Women's, tumor was 3 inch by 2 inch (plus) and growing...and it had to come out...

I tell you this came out of no where...he had no pain, no nothing. They only found it because he had had the surgery on his knee in May and he had gone through a series of xrays/mri's cat scans etc. As it turns out I think he knew more than he told me....but he tells me that he was told it was a "benign lession" when they first found out.

But anyway...it all came to a head that last Wed in July when he went to a specialist in Boston who showed him right then and there that had this huge tumor, he was unable to say if it was benign or malignant and it was growing.

Our world as we knew it stopped. Everything I saw, everything I did changed. Even the way I viewed the world at large changed.

And for me, one of the hardest things was that Mark asked me not to say anything.....he didn't want me to share with anyone the information we had received....instead he wanted an answer either way before we started sharing.

The Dr. in Boston ordered a full body bone scan...which I can tell you was up there on one of my worst days ever....this scan was crucial....if there was any other tumor in his bones it would almost definately mean cancer, and if there was nothing there was a good cance that the tumor would be benign. The scan showed no tumors....just some arthritis.

Each day brought new emotions...new fears....what a rollercoaster....I'm still on it but we're on the part that is still crashing down the hill before it starts to slow down and you can get off....(by the way, I love, love love roller coasters....just not his kind).

Mark had also told the Dr in Boston that he wanted this tumor out asap so he'd take the first spot he had...there was a cancellation and on Monday, August 13th, Mark was operated on at Brigham and Women's....

Now that was the longest day of my life.

Michelle drove all the way down from Maine on the Sunday before (6 hours, after I told her repeatedly I would be fine), spent the night with us all at my mothers, then got up with Mark and myself, followed us to the hospital at 6 in the morning and waited with me all day....until I kicked her out because I didn't want her driving back to to boondocks of Maine in the dark. Ha Ha...there was no way I could have done that alone...the sitting and waiting....it was tortutous....(?sp) because I knew they were going to come out and tell me if it was benign or malignant while I waited...I will forever be greatful to Michelle for being there....truly an amazing friend......I couldn't have done it without her...

Ok...I am really going into all the details here...every time I write it it's a bit therapeutic....It has been overwhelming to say the least.

From enjoying your summer, to thinking that your husband might die of cancer and life as you know it may be gone...to the worry of the surgery, the elation of finding out that the tumor is benign to the reality that the removal of a bone tumor, replaced by a bone graft and various metal objects is one serious operation...and life, at least for the short term, is VERY different.

The realities of everyday and recoop time....I have to do everything....it's exhausting but I am not complaining...the tumor was benign....

But all this on top of renovations has been challenging to say the least. As you know we've been through some tough times in our marriage (which and I'd say this ranks pretty high up there on the list).....

I've been lucky in that I have such amazing support and help...which I can't believe that I have even reliquished and accepted help, because that's not me....but wow - it feels good and has been so needed!!



I'll write another entry about doing renovations!