Modern love : Long Road To Lucky 9/5/22



Dear Modern Love Team,

Thank you for your consideration of my piece bbelow.

Louisa

Long Road To Lucky

I only had eyes for the wasband. From the moment I met him it was true love. Or so I thought. I loved everything about him. We had a good marriage, a beautiful family and a life full of fun and adventure. Don't get me wrong, we had our trials and tribulations along the way. We certainly weren't perfect, but we managed to survive four international moves, three children and an affair, the first affair. I thought since we'd weathered so much, we could withstand anything. 

 

I was wrong. Around twenty-three years into our marriage things changed dramatically. Financial worries, depression and career challenges changed everything. And another affair. 

 

Four days before Christmas, I picked up the landline. "Hi, May I please speak to Louisa. Yes. This is she. Hi, I think you should know that my wife and your husband have been having an affair for two years."

 

I don't remember anything about Christmas that year. 

 

I took my wedding vows seriously and thought I was meant to be with him forever. But he wanted out. At one point he actually asked me why I couldn't be more into a modern marriage, "I mean wouldn't it be great if you could just be cool and let me come stay here at the house when I want to see the kids."

 

A switch flipped. Who was this person speaking to me? It wasn't who I married or who I loved. Our marriage was over. Problem was it took me way too long to come to that realization. I was heartbroken. Everything I had envisioned for our life and future wasn't going to be anymore. We weren't going to grow old together. We weren't going to take care of each other. We weren't going to enjoy our grandchildren together. What would graduations and weddings be like? The rug had been pulled out from under me and I had no idea what my future was going to look like. The heartbreak, the uncertainty and the unknown were overwhelming, almost paralyzing.

 

Around that time, I read Amy Kraus Rosenthal's Modern Love You May Want to Marry My Husband. The marriage she described resonated with me - reminded me of the early years of my marriage. Amy was dying and the man I had married didn't exist anymore. In the printed edition the bottom right hand quarter of the paper was blank, an intentional canvas where Jason could write his next chapter. 

 

Wait what? Chapters? Yes. I too could write my next chapter. 

 

I was forced to look at myself. I had always put him and our children's needs before mine. After years of therapy and digging deep I finally learned what it meant to focus on me. And that's when my path to forgiveness and freedom began. 

 

Forgiveness was for me. I didn't/don't have to ever let him know I have forgiven him. It's not that I think what he did was ok. Because I don't. It wasn't. It's about letting go, coming to terms with what happened and closing those chapters of my life and start writing my own new ones.

 

My journey so far has been amazing. I've met the most incredible people, built businesses and done things I would never have experienced or accomplished had we still been married. I'm finally taking care of myself the way I always deserved. 

 

I'm currently in chapter ten. I have an inner strength and energy that makes me feel so free. I thrive on the unknown and wake up every day waiting to see what the universe will drop my way. Kismet and serendipity find their way into my life almost daily.

 

It's been a long road, but now I consider myself the luckiest gal in the world. As I've continuously reminded my children, there's always a silver lining, you just have to find it. I found mine and it's me.