She answered. Still in bed. Doesn’t feel well. Sound familiar? Told her again that we really need to move her to the assisted side. She has not eaten anything. She has not taken her pills. And then she hung up on me.
Mom - we are being irresponsible if we don’t move you. I’ll be contacting the office tomorrow to start the process. We can NOT watch you do this and do nothing.
So either you pull yourself together - set your alarm and get up and eat and take your pills before noon or we move you.
Your choice.
FW
I’m just trying to get her on phone so we can talk to mutual one and get her $65k from them into Fido. And she doesn’t make her left available til after banks are all closed.
LWS
Mom - you are being irresponsible and showing that you are not capable of taking care of yourself .
And don’t be mad at us. Look at yourself in the mirror. It’s our responsibility to make sure someone is taking care of you - because you are not.
I can’t bring back anything that you want from Natick unless you tell me.
I can’t believe how incredibly selfish you are being. Beyond.
And - at this rate you will end up in some hospital where they keep you until your body is back on track with food and sleep. And then you really will have no freedom - no smoking no drinks no wine. Just you and a hospital bed. That’s coming if you continue this - and then you’d move to assisted living.
FW
This is all just mind blowing, the way she has acted. Makes no sense.
Mom 9:27
Do you think I like feeling this way, day after day? Hell NO! You have to realize that the way I am feeling is not what I like to. Feel! It makes me miserable!
For the last hour I have been looking for my measuring tape! I have not been able to find it!
Tomorrow AM I have to to downstairs to borrow if I can! I need a loving touch, not being yelled at! I know you are trying your best, but it is not helping me right now! Be patient with me!
FW
Mom, we have Been patient for 6 years now.
You haven’t seemed to do anything different over this time to help yourself.
That’s frustrating for us
LWS
Your measuring tape is in the far right drawer in the kitchen.
And sorry. But you aren’t doing anything to help yourself feel better. You don’t want our help. You yell at us. You hang up on us. We see no efforts from you to want to make any changes. You have the power.
6 years is a long time. And you’re now in a place where you have virtually no responsibilities.
You have no idea how lucky and loved you are.
So frustrating for us watch you ignore and push away the love and support and show no gratitude.
Instead you want us to be patient for 6 years and just watch you sleep away your days and starve yourself and not give your body the meds it needs.
Imagine if Omi was like this.
Mom:
I found it, thank you for remembering! It slid way in the back, that is why I didn’t see!! Great find, it drove me crazy! Thank you again!
I was kinder and more gentle with my mother! We had no disagreements! I did what she wanted, and when that didn’t work we tried my way! Worked out fine!
I always kept her. Informed!
LWS
There are no comparisons to the situations. Actually hilarious. You lived an ocean away and she actually took care of herself.
But - Ok I’ll do want you want. You’re on you’re on your own. We’ll leave you alone and let you sleep all day and not eat.
You can make every excuse in the book - but the reality is you are one of the luckiest moms in the world. No one I know has done for their mom what we have done for you. From calling you every day at 6pm for 5+ years, to proactively moving you to a safe place near one of us, to dealing with your house and all of your medical needs and making sure your bills are paid on time to making sure you see your grandchildren etc etc etc. I don’t know any parent of any friend of mine that gets the special treatment you do. But all you see and feel is that we aren’t kind or understanding. It’s impossible for us to understand your point of view given all we do for you and all the time we spend dealing with and for you. And what do we get? Nothing. Nothing but an ungrateful mother who thinks we need to be patient and more understanding. Would 10 years of patience and understanding be enough? You are so lucky. Most people I know would have g completely cut off all ties with their parent if they had been treated the way you treat us. But - we love you and won’t give up. But you also have to try - show a little gratitude and understanding for all you are putting us through. The more you fight us and push us away the harder it is to help you - and you need help. I hope you can actually take some time - which is probably hard since you sleep all day - to process and really think about your choices, your behavior and all we are doing for you. It’s really sad - you haven’t lifted a finger in this entire move that has basically saved your life yet you are still so angry at us and REFUSE to show any gratitude or understanding for what we have done for you. You have no idea how frustrating this is for us.
One this is for sure - you have shown us how we never want to be for our children. We will take care of all of our things - sort through our houses- make plans for our futures - make sure our wills and trusts are all in order - make sure everyone knows what we want when we get older and when we die. I will make sure my children will never have yo go through what we are going through with you.
I love you so much. I would never be doing all this for you if I didn’t. I wouldn’t be spending my time at 10:50 at night telling you how I feel and how incredible difficult this is for us. If I didn’t love you so much I’d just leave you alone and let you figure it all out by yourself.
But I can’t, I love you.
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